Changing Perspectives

When The Ex and I broke up, I thought that I had lost a Love. I thought that I had lost a great person in my life. I had wallowed in sorrow and could-have-beens. I was inconsolable.

And then, as my family and friends promised, it got easier.

In a sudden burst of clarity, I shifted my perspectives. It’s NOT a loss, it’s an opportunity gained. If it had to end, it wasn’t Love to begin with. And I emphasize “Love” as the Love found in fairytales and happy endings. Sure, we had a good kind of Love, when we were together. Sure, he’s a great person. But in the end, things just won’t end up the way you expect it to.

This is just Destiny’s way of telling me that I need to rethink my motivations and realign my perspectives.

I’ve learned to realize that it’s not a heartbreak, but a chance to build up genuine emotions. It’s not a let-down, it’s a chance for me to spread my wings and explore. It’s not losing someone special in my life, it’s giving someone amazing a chance to make me happy.

With my new-found set of perspectives, I am now excited to go out into the world and learn to live again.

Off My Bucket List

I’ve always been in love with Japan. I had an unhealthy obsession with a Japanese pop star when I was in college, and to this day, I may or may not still be hoping to meet a guy who looks JUST like him.

So it’s always been my dream to visit Japan once in my life. Knowing that it’s pretty expensive to travel there, I never really saw this as a short-term dream.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

I was asked by my company to go to Japan for the Tokyo Motor Show. You could never imagine how ecstatically happy I felt. It felt like a dream, it was the best feeling.

True enough, I fell madly in love with Japan. It was freezing cold when we went, and I absolutely adored it. Awesome, awesome experience. Anyway, enough raving, and more showing. Here are some photos from that epic trip last December.

This trip is one thing unexpectedly ticked off my bucket list. ❤

Storm Trooper saying 'Goodbye' to Japan from my hotel room.

Some things just won’t change

I thought that with recent events, I would lose my hold on anything light and happy. I remember that I spiraled into this dark place, and I felt that I was a different person altogether. I was so angry. I was so hurt. I was so sad. I really felt that light part of myself fading away.

And then, I chose life.

I know that I am different. I know that I am infinitely different than the Tanya of 5 years ago. Hell, even the Tanya of 5 months ago. I cannot claim to be the same person but I know that I am an improved version. If anything, this has taught me that there really is no point in hating or berating myself. It has taught me that I have a strength that comes from inside of me.

I am thankful that my family and friends have surrounded me with love and acceptance and joy. I’ve reconnected with myself, and I see life again with cheer and joy. Darkness and sadness just doesn’t fit well with me.

Here I am and I am back. I am looking forward to hoping and living and loving again.

I am looking forward to FLYING AGAIN.

Sometimes

You just have to give yourself a chance to be happy again.
Sometimes, you just have to stop blaming yourself for the end of a relationship.
Sometimes, you just have to accept that THINGS HAPPEN. That PEOPLE CHANGE. That LOVE FADES. No matter how happy you were.

Sometimes, you just have to forgive yourself.

I am not there yet. I have so many regrets, so many thoughts, so much anger in my heart. But I won’t let this stop me from being who I want to be. And from reaching my dreams.

In one of our fights, I had a sinking realization that I was losing the “fairytale” mindset when it comes to love. And in hindsight, I realize now that I shouldn’t have. I should have held on to it. This letting go, this Goodbye, is me holding on to fairytales and romance and happy-ever-afters. This is me, learning to hold on to Myself and to what I believe in.

Sometimes, you have to let go of Love, to learn to Love again.