You cannot decide on one thing, and then go and still do the things that you used to do.
Things are different.
No matter how you say, “Let’s not change, we’re still okay,” you cannot really expect things to be exactly the same. You cannot expect the same benefits you used to get, you cannot expect the same results when you do something.
So, turn it around. Move beyond your expectations. Things are no longer what they seem in your mind. Stop asking from me everything that you took away when you made The Decision. Stop asking for my Everything, when you left me with Nothing, all those months ago.
Turn it around, don’t look back, STOP IT.
Today’s recent events brought me back to 2009, when things were the same yet a whole lot different.
In a very real way, it made me feel a little nostalgic for what once was. I know I never admit to feeling nostalgic for the past, I usually keep that tightly locked inside of me, but this time, I feel that I need to let it out. Let my feelings see the light of day.
In 2009, I was SURE. I was filled with all these tender feelings of Forever. Of Ever After.
Three years later, and things are vastly different. I know for certain now that there is A New One. And it has forced me to get beyond the nostalgia and the what-have-beens.
It is saddening. It is liberating. Most of all, it is making me feel very hopeful. While I mourn for what was once was, and for how RIGHT it seemed in 2009. I look forward to tomorrow, knowing that Love will come back to me. That somehow, somewhere, someone out there is just right for me.
It’s made me feel very optimistic. How ironic that in the midst of a sinking Manila, I found it in my heart to keep Hope afloat.