Hope Floats

Today’s recent events brought me back to 2009, when things were the same yet a whole lot different.

In a very real way, it made me feel a little nostalgic for what once was. I know I never admit to feeling nostalgic for the past, I usually keep that tightly locked inside of me, but this time, I feel that I need to let it out. Let my feelings see the light of day.

In 2009, I was SURE. I was filled with all these tender feelings of Forever. Of Ever After.

Three years later, and things are vastly different. I know for certain now that there is A New One. And it has forced me to get beyond the nostalgia and the what-have-beens.

It is saddening. It is liberating. Most of all, it is making me feel very hopeful. While I mourn for what was once was, and for how RIGHT it seemed in 2009. I look forward to tomorrow, knowing that Love will come back to me. That somehow, somewhere, someone out there is just right for me.

It’s made me feel very optimistic. How ironic that in the midst of a sinking Manila, I found it in my heart to keep Hope afloat.

Some things just won’t change

I thought that with recent events, I would lose my hold on anything light and happy. I remember that I spiraled into this dark place, and I felt that I was a different person altogether. I was so angry. I was so hurt. I was so sad. I really felt that light part of myself fading away.

And then, I chose life.

I know that I am different. I know that I am infinitely different than the Tanya of 5 years ago. Hell, even the Tanya of 5 months ago. I cannot claim to be the same person but I know that I am an improved version. If anything, this has taught me that there really is no point in hating or berating myself. It has taught me that I have a strength that comes from inside of me.

I am thankful that my family and friends have surrounded me with love and acceptance and joy. I’ve reconnected with myself, and I see life again with cheer and joy. Darkness and sadness just doesn’t fit well with me.

Here I am and I am back. I am looking forward to hoping and living and loving again.

I am looking forward to FLYING AGAIN.

Be Grateful

When I get so overwhelmed with life’s stressful moments, Sharkboy never fails to remind me to be thankful.

It’s easy to be thankful when you’re having a great time. You’re on vacation at a beach, you see a gorgeous sunset, it’s easy to breathe a big ‘Thank You.’

But when you’re having a rough week, when nothing seems to go right, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of self-pity and loathing. It could get horribly out of hand. I’ve sometimes lashed out at Sharkboy because of work stress. It is not a pretty sight. Thankfully, he is patient enough to remind me to be grateful. And before I know it, I’m calm and more productive.

Today, I am feeling very blah. Not because life is too hectic, but because it isn’t. Hah.

So, an exercise in gratitude. Here are the things I’m thankful for these days 🙂

  • Family. I don’t even need to expound. Coming home to a loving family after a hard days’ work is the best.
  • Early Mornings. No matter how much I bitch about not getting enough sleep, I look forward to my early mornings. It gives me a headstart. It gets me into the proper mindset for the day.
  • Sharkboy. ❤ I love this boy, seriously. He gets me through the roughest, toughest days. 🙂 It’s the best feeling when you are with your Best Friend.
  • Movies. My escape from life.
  • Books. Oh, to be able to read all-day. That is my ultimate dream.
  • Friends. For the laughter and the fun times.

That’s not even half of what I’m thankful for. I can seriously go on and on with this. I guess I just needed to put this up here as a reminder.

Life is beautiful, when you see it with grateful eyes. ❤

 

Investments

With everything in life, if you really want to make it work, you’ve got to INVEST. May it be time, money or emotions, you’ve really got to go that extra effort and make it happen.

It’s all about knowing if all that investment will be worth it. 🙂

My investment has been paying off quite well. Almost 5 years now, still very fruitful. I get a healthy Return on Investment, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. ❤

 

Happiness is…

Time for a count-your-blessings post.
I plan to make this a Monday thing. Start the week on a positive note and all that jazz.

Anyway.
Happiness is…

Jordan & Pippen laughing over Kobe. LOLJK. Just the photo itself takes me back to an NBA championship high. I was entirely too obsessed with Jordan and the Bulls.

A random, sweet entry dedicated to you. ❤

And gorgeous, red-hot sunsets at the beach.

Housecleaning

This week, I have 3 whole Mikey-less days. He’s in Boracay for another competition, and I couldn’t be any prouder. This time, he won’t be leaving me any love notes in Boracay Regency’s gong (which he did last year, when I went to Boracay a day after he left. Hee.).

While he’s gone, I have entirely too much time in my hands. :p Work is mercilessly not too hectic, so I can step back and relax. I’ve decided to do a bit of housecleaning — both literally and figuratively.

Literally – I need to organize my comic book stash. It’s taking over our room, much to my sister’s annoyance. Har.
Virtually – I am polishing up my online accounts, fixing my laptop files, updating this blog’s layout.
Figuratively – I’m gonna use the 3 days to just readjust my expectations, reflect on my negative and annoying traits and basically, just take a deep long look at who I have turned out to be. Then adjust accordingly. I probably need a checklist to remind me constantly of whatever I end up resolving to do.

I know, I know, heavy stuff. But, I think I kinda need it. My work’s not as hectic this week, and it’s the best time to adjust so far.

So yeah. Major blogging coming up in the next few days. I hope I can find time to play the guitar, draw some stuff and write some stories too.