Hope Floats

Today’s recent events brought me back to 2009, when things were the same yet a whole lot different.

In a very real way, it made me feel a little nostalgic for what once was. I know I never admit to feeling nostalgic for the past, I usually keep that tightly locked inside of me, but this time, I feel that I need to let it out. Let my feelings see the light of day.

In 2009, I was SURE. I was filled with all these tender feelings of Forever. Of Ever After.

Three years later, and things are vastly different. I know for certain now that there is A New One. And it has forced me to get beyond the nostalgia and the what-have-beens.

It is saddening. It is liberating. Most of all, it is making me feel very hopeful. While I mourn for what was once was, and for how RIGHT it seemed in 2009. I look forward to tomorrow, knowing that Love will come back to me. That somehow, somewhere, someone out there is just right for me.

It’s made me feel very optimistic. How ironic that in the midst of a sinking Manila, I found it in my heart to keep Hope afloat.

Advertisements

Changing Perspectives

When The Ex and I broke up, I thought that I had lost a Love. I thought that I had lost a great person in my life. I had wallowed in sorrow and could-have-beens. I was inconsolable.

And then, as my family and friends promised, it got easier.

In a sudden burst of clarity, I shifted my perspectives. It’s NOT a loss, it’s an opportunity gained. If it had to end, it wasn’t Love to begin with. And I emphasize “Love” as the Love found in fairytales and happy endings. Sure, we had a good kind of Love, when we were together. Sure, he’s a great person. But in the end, things just won’t end up the way you expect it to.

This is just Destiny’s way of telling me that I need to rethink my motivations and realign my perspectives.

I’ve learned to realize that it’s not a heartbreak, but a chance to build up genuine emotions. It’s not a let-down, it’s a chance for me to spread my wings and explore. It’s not losing someone special in my life, it’s giving someone amazing a chance to make me happy.

With my new-found set of perspectives, I am now excited to go out into the world and learn to live again.

Sometimes

You just have to give yourself a chance to be happy again.
Sometimes, you just have to stop blaming yourself for the end of a relationship.
Sometimes, you just have to accept that THINGS HAPPEN. That PEOPLE CHANGE. That LOVE FADES. No matter how happy you were.

Sometimes, you just have to forgive yourself.

I am not there yet. I have so many regrets, so many thoughts, so much anger in my heart. But I won’t let this stop me from being who I want to be. And from reaching my dreams.

In one of our fights, I had a sinking realization that I was losing the “fairytale” mindset when it comes to love. And in hindsight, I realize now that I shouldn’t have. I should have held on to it. This letting go, this Goodbye, is me holding on to fairytales and romance and happy-ever-afters. This is me, learning to hold on to Myself and to what I believe in.

Sometimes, you have to let go of Love, to learn to Love again.

 

Be Grateful

When I get so overwhelmed with life’s stressful moments, Sharkboy never fails to remind me to be thankful.

It’s easy to be thankful when you’re having a great time. You’re on vacation at a beach, you see a gorgeous sunset, it’s easy to breathe a big ‘Thank You.’

But when you’re having a rough week, when nothing seems to go right, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of self-pity and loathing. It could get horribly out of hand. I’ve sometimes lashed out at Sharkboy because of work stress. It is not a pretty sight. Thankfully, he is patient enough to remind me to be grateful. And before I know it, I’m calm and more productive.

Today, I am feeling very blah. Not because life is too hectic, but because it isn’t. Hah.

So, an exercise in gratitude. Here are the things I’m thankful for these days 🙂

  • Family. I don’t even need to expound. Coming home to a loving family after a hard days’ work is the best.
  • Early Mornings. No matter how much I bitch about not getting enough sleep, I look forward to my early mornings. It gives me a headstart. It gets me into the proper mindset for the day.
  • Sharkboy. ❤ I love this boy, seriously. He gets me through the roughest, toughest days. 🙂 It’s the best feeling when you are with your Best Friend.
  • Movies. My escape from life.
  • Books. Oh, to be able to read all-day. That is my ultimate dream.
  • Friends. For the laughter and the fun times.

That’s not even half of what I’m thankful for. I can seriously go on and on with this. I guess I just needed to put this up here as a reminder.

Life is beautiful, when you see it with grateful eyes. ❤

 

Investments

With everything in life, if you really want to make it work, you’ve got to INVEST. May it be time, money or emotions, you’ve really got to go that extra effort and make it happen.

It’s all about knowing if all that investment will be worth it. 🙂

My investment has been paying off quite well. Almost 5 years now, still very fruitful. I get a healthy Return on Investment, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. ❤

 

Tuesday Thank You’s

It’s that time of the week again!

Today, I am thankful for:

  • 57 months of love. It boggles the mind that I would be having 57 months of anything. But here it is. What an awesome thought. ❤
  • Life. It saddens me that people have to pass away. But I am thankful that we are given a life to live and cherish.
  • Family. Spent the weekend with my cousins. So much fun and love all around.

Date a Girl Who Reads

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

— Rosemarie Urquico (In response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date an Illiterate Girl)

SO MUCH TRUTH IN MY LIFE, I ALMOST CRIED READING IT. ❤